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Empty. Fill. Pour.

Empty - containing nothing or lacking meaning or sincerity.

I'm not a fan of 'empty'. Empty phone battery - empty bank account - empty gas tank - empty coffee cup! Goodness, the thought of all those things empty at once makes me shake!

We are moving apartments this month - packing up our beautiful dream loft and moving back to the real world! We have lived in our huge loft with 25ft ceilings for 2 years! When I say lived in - I mean it!!! We have opened our doors and hearts. This loft holds so many memories within its walls! Family have visited - there have been many late night dinners at our table with our friends - our church kids have found peace and safety to relax within these four super tall walls! Its been a good time and a dream place to live, we are so thankful!

As most things are packed away - its looking like a shell of itself. My favorite little bookshelf is empty. The computer nook is empty. Our drawers are empty. Emptiness is everywhere.

Psalm 61:2

When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

As a teen I would push the limits. I would drive my little Red Citroen Saxo until the needle on the gas tank would hit 'E' - then I'd turn the car off and the needle would like magic return to 'Full'.

Within 5 minutes it would drop down to 'E' again and I'd be hustling to the nearest gas station and gathering all the loose change I had to fill this car and get home!

A few years ago I began to feel strange dizzy sensations in my head, I'm rarely sick so it scared me a lot. I really never got to the bottom of it - but I do believe it was caused by stress. STRESS! How on earth could I be stressed? I wouldn't believe it was possible that I could be anxious or stressed about anything. I was always so easy going - life was good, I loved my job, my husband was very good to me - I'd nothing to be stressed about! When I took a step back and scanned over my schedule, realized how hard I was working, dealt the hurt that life causes, and constantly nursed the ache of loosing my Mum - it was no surprise I was definitely running fast to empty.

'Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength.'

I was trying to fuel up on seeking approval of people around me - desperately searching for someone to pour into me like I was pouring into others. Angrily screaming out loud the question, ' Who is pouring into me!?'

It's all about where you run to fill yourself up when you're empty - Lauren DeMoss

I was expecting. Expecting a deep energy of approval - expecting people to pour into me and fill me up with encouragement before I got to empty! I reached out to a beautiful woman of God who has become a great mentor to me, she covered me with wisdom and knowledge to learn that what I really was craving was growth. I didn't want to diminish my relationship with God because I felt empty and because I was running in the wrong directions. I remember the conversation so clearly where the truth hit me hard, she said;

'you are craving growth, and part of growing is actually being the pourer!'

Maybe it was my time to empty myself and let God fill me, to lay all my expectations down and continue to pour myself into others and then I would find the growth I was searching so hard for. I think we wait for that one person in our life that we can open our hearts too, but I've learned to believe that God wants us to open ourselves in a community.

Psalm 118:14 The Lord is my strength and my song

I no longer think or search for one person when I struggle with who is pouring into me, I think about my community:

I think of my ministers, they serve so faithfully and preach Gods message to feed me, while encouraging me to use my talents and gifts.

I think about the teens and young adults I've been entrusted to mentor and guide - the difficult questions they ask me about their daily walk that forces me to look up the Scripture for good answers to share with them.

I think about my friends - who hold me accountable and say hard things when they need to.

I think of my 'Sisterhood' - a group of women that God instilled a deep love for in my heart, a community brought together to encourage and share life with.

We don't ever need to feel guilty or weary if we are running in a direction of empty and trying desperately to pour from an empty cup,

know this;

He is enough and He will pour into you and feed you.

If you are a mom, a wife, a girlfriend or a sister and you feel empty or weak trying to pour into others and juggle it all. Let the emptiness you feel be an invitation to come to Jesus and let Him fill you back up again. Nothing else will fill us like it.

Matthew 11:28

'Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me, Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.'

The Nook


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