It's almost a year to date since I published my last blog!
What a rollercoaster of a year! Time has been our best friend and what seems like our enemy.
I don't need to tell the entire story but I want to share the ending...because it is glorious!
In these last 18 months we have packed a Uhaul - twice. Driven across the country and back again. Lived in 4 different homes. Found a new normal and returned to normal. Met so many wonderful people on the way and held on to loved ones that have been here forever. But mostly followed God's will and guidance, not really knowing how it would start or end, but have found amazing delight when I could say, 'Ah...I know what you where up to Lord.'
We lived in St. Louis for a short time, but wow was it an incredibly meaningful time. A time to rebuild and renew...rid our hearts of bitterness and breathe. In all of this the Lord would not let me settle, I knew he was beside me, holding me up, gently whispering to wait and be patient...but I could not settle. We needed that time, the people who came into our lives needed that time too. Now I see it!
It was all about returning. Returning home physically and spiritually. The Lord was desperate to give us peace and breathing space, not from Him but from the world...and he removed us in order for us to return with exactly that peace. I've heard God say to me multiple times over the years 'return to me', but this move seemed drastic.
When you clearly hear God saying, 'Go, expand your territory...' and then He lines everything up like clockwork to make it happen, later to find out that it was all preparation for what he had prepared, its amazing. Most of you know I love deep, and love the people that are connected to me. I crave connection and friendship..its just how I'm made. I knew returning back to New York would look different but I had no idea how much God had prepared for me and my husband. A new community of people who have became family quickly...who support and love...who care...who are consistent. He has given me new people to love and nurture some who where always under my nose but with new opportunities. He has given me peace, grace, blessings and time.
Right now, the entire world seems like its on lockdown, we are in the middle of waiting and exercising patience. I keep going back to this promise that God delivered for us personally when I start loosing my mind about everything that's going on right now.
There are reasons, there are difficulties, there seems like no end but THERE. IS. PROMISE. I hope and trust in the end that we all can say, 'Ah...I know what you where up to Lord.' There will be new things...new normals...new opportunities...a new life in many ways. It's a truth to say, 'grow through what you go through' but its hard to see.
Sometimes, growing completely shifts your life and those around you and perhaps you don't even want to go through the current mess. BUT...there is always a rainbow at the end if you allow God to take control, if you allow yourself to surrender to His calling.
In some ways, I feel like we've done a full circle but that is so untrue. If God is in control that circle never stops spinning...full of promises and new plans...new beginnings, new ways to refocus and redirect, new open doors and new returns. For me, the difficult thing is...there is time. Time to move, time to refresh, time to wait, time to trust, time for patience, time to return. Are we using our time to do just that so in the end, upon the return, we can bask in what God has prepared for us?? He is speaking to your heart in the silence and the feeling that time is standing still. Are you listening?
At the end of this, I'm alive again. I'm bursting in joy and happiness and I'm back! I'm grateful and ready to reap in the goodness that God has been preparing over this entire journey for me and my Craiggers! I see what he was planning and preparing and it fills me full of joy and peace.
It takes time to return.
I leave these powerful words with you...don't waste time...even in the waiting. (or the returning)
"Time is just doing what time is meant to do.
Moment to moment, breath to breath, life to life.
Time is all we have.
Time is our greatest gift.
Time is also slipping away.
Time calls the shots.
Time decides when the last page has been turned.
So live it.
Live out your time with love and courage and curiosity.
Eat the cookie.
Forgive the friend.
Say the words.
Make the art.
Take the trip.
Embrace the mess.
Live your life and live it hard.
Love your people and love them hard.
Value your time and value it hard.
Time is not the enemy.
Time is what's woven with love to create this magnificent thing called life."