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Dream Date

This is the month of love! I talk about love a lot! How to love? Am I smothering people in love? Do I love enough? Do I love too hard? Do I love too little? Why do I struggle to love certain personalities? The list is endless. I do believe that we begin to question ourselves when we've been hurt or burned. It says in Matthew:

'Love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy. Love others as well as you love yourself.'

If this wasn't a blog and instead we were sitting across from each other, I'd say "Close your eyes and imagine what I'm about to say." You need your eyes to read, so I'd ask you to dream big as you read:

Its been a long week, and all I've been looking forward to is the date with my husband, the love of my life! Saturday comes.... I get to sleep in, make pancakes and drink coffee all while we listen to some light hearted music in the background - music we both love. The day is slow, lots of reading, flicking through magazines, browsing online. The sun is shining outside, the skies are bright blue - life is good! We'd decided to go for a date night to our favorite restaurant but also take in a few hours of endlessly wandering the streets and seeing what we stumbled upon in this crazy city we live in. We spent hours walking around looking in store windows, stopping for coffee breaks and just taking in the fresh air. The restaurant was perfect, we ordered our food knowing right away what we were going to indulge in for appetizers, mains and definitely dessert - we sat across from the flickering candlelight - laughing and sharing stories of the week.

Are you ready to vomit yet? Don't worry - its in my mind - its not entirely real! A friend of mine shared a story about a recent date night with her husband, and she'd dreamt big - had beautiful ideas of dressing up and what to wear. Images dancing in her head about eating a nice fancy meal together and finishing it all off with a trip to the movies!

But guess what? He didn't wanna dress up - he was happy to eat just about anywhere, I can't even remember if they got to the movies in the end. He just wanted the time alone with her, just the two of them to enjoy each others company. Instead of seeing that - she did what us girls are really good at... she got annoyed as well as very frustrated and let it spoil the time they had together! She made it much bigger than what it was and their sacred time together was snatched away from them. We can so easily obsess over the little things, of what we think it should all look like that we completely miss the point, and then loose the moment of something that could have been a great memory.

The mirage of my date night written above is just that - a mirage.

Craiggers and I do pancakes and coffee really well, but we do not share the same tastes in music AT ALL. If we are traveling somewhere, it always ends in a threat of the car being turned around and returning home immediately - however we've learned to compromise really well with K-LOVE (a christian radio station)! We would never ever just wander the streets without a plan because it would end in a complete disaster...with a super cranky husband and wee sore feet for me. We love to eat at restaurants - but the reality is we can't ever decide where to eat, and we are terrible at deciding what to eat once we've finally picked the restaurant. We usually return to the same place and we live in a city that has 24,000 restaurants! I love dessert, and most of the time Craig never orders dessert, which usually ends in no dessert for either of us. As for gazing across the table at each other under the flickering candlelight, it messes with my eyes so I can't see clearly which gives me anxiety and makes me want to leave and go home as soon as possible! The reality makes me really laugh hard to myself.

This is Us!

How many of us girls dream up a perfect date in our head and then get so annoyed that it didn't turn out how 'we'd' planned it - AND THEN - spoil the day (or days) obsessing of what it could have been instead of what it should have been! I realized very early on in our marriage that you cannot change a person to be what you expect or want... but you need to love this man deeply for who he is , and of course to embrace all the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place. Our personalities are very different, and sometimes clash more frequently than we would like - but thats a real marriage - you've got to work at it people!

I'm extremely social, a true extrovert - I recharge with people around me. I could invite everyone over for dinner and a movie and be just as relaxed and refreshed as I would after a spa day, if not more! Craig is the opposite - don't get me wrong he loves his people, and he loves strongly - but he doesn't recharge with people surrounding him. He likes to do his own thing to rest and recharge - its usually with his bike in a forest on a trail somewhere, with no one around him. Many times when I've invited the world over he would say, "everyone's coming over....again??" this is not because he doesn't want to spend time with the people he loves, but because we are made up differently and we do this whole recharging thing in different ways. I'll look across a crowded room at him, where I'm chatting up a storm and he's giving me the 'I want to kill everyone and get the heck out of here face'. It really is hilarious.

In our apartment on a chalk board it says words from Eccesiasties Chapter 4. These words were read at our wedding and are important and special to both of us.

'Its better to have a partner than go it alone. A three stranded rope isn't easily snapped'

I am so glad God placed us together. We have intentionally prayed that our marriage is and stays focused around God and have placed Him at the center of our lives. Life doesn't always look like we imagined, especially when we are dreaming up a perfect date night in our head.

This is our life - and God has planned it!

Marriage is a lot of work, a lot of give and take, all smothered in love to get you through. Different personalities merging together into one, making something beautifully unique because two really are better than one.

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

I'll think twice, and I hope this challenges you the next time you groan because your romantic dinner doesn't look like a scene from 'The Notebook'. But instead, know that this man standing beside you loves you dearly and maybe just wants to relax in time spent together. He doesn't care what you are wearing, whether you're dressed to kill or in sweatpants - he doesn't care what or where you are eating, but he just cares about you. And that my friends is something to be happy about.

More than anything, know that God created your relationship.

Hold firm to the three stranded rope which isn't easily snapped!!

The Nook


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